Moving from the United States to New Zealand is a monumental leap, driven by dreams of safety, community, and a different pace of life.
In this powerful interview from the NZ Ahead podcast, Liz speaks with Ben, who made that leap with his young family from the rural American Midwest to Auckland’s North Shore in New Zealand.
Driven by a profound desire to protect their daughter from the spectre of gun violence, they traded a familiar world for an uncertain but hopeful future.
Watch the podcast video here or read the full, raw transcript below to follow their three-year journey—from a shocking daycare notice to building a new life on the other side of the world.
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Liz (Host): Imagine this: you live in the Midwest of America, in Missouri. You’ve lived there all your life, you’re married to a lovely lady who’s a nurse, you work in IT, and you’re happy. But then you have a child and you realize that America might not be the place that you want to raise a family.
Our daughter was one and she was in a daycare. We were told that they were going to start doing intruder drills at daycare. So, at the age of one, they start preparing kids for what happens if somebody comes into your school with a gun.
In this week’s episode, you’re going to meet Ben. Ben and his wife and his little girl moved to New Zealand from the most rural part of America to the most cosmopolitan place in New Zealand. They’re living in the North Shore, Auckland, and today he’s going to share with you all the differences, both good and bad, that he’s encountered while moving to New Zealand.
Hello, Ben! Welcome to the podcast. I am thrilled to have you here with me today.
Ben: Thank you. I’m thrilled to be on.
Liz: I’m going to jump straight in. Tell me a little bit about your family. Yeah, let’s start with that. Who are you and where did you come from in the United States?
Ben: Sure. My name is Ben, I am 35, I work in Information Technology project management and I’ve been in that field for a little over five years now. I’m married to a lovely lady named Kira, she’s a registered nurse and a certified case manager.
We have a four-year-old daughter who will be five at the end of January, and we grew up in a small town outside of St. Louis, Missouri in the United States. We ended up moving to St. Louis in 2018 and then lived there until we moved to New Zealand.
Liz: Apologize in advance for my ignorance when it comes to geography, so whereabouts is Missouri in the United States?
Ben: Sure. So Missouri and Illinois are part of the Midwest, which is really the central northern part of the states. There is a lot of farmland and there are sporadically big cities but mostly it’s small rural communities.
Liz: Okay. Have you always lived in the US?
Ben: My wife and I are both from a small town in Illinois. We lived there our whole lives until we moved 45 minutes west to St. Louis, right, which is across the Mississippi River. And then from there we took the plunge and moved all the way to New Zealand.
Liz: I’ve always wanted to meet someone from that area, the Mississippi, because when you were a kid and you used to watch all these films about Huckleberry Finn and things like that… is that where that area is from?
Ben: Yeah, yeah. I think that’s more down south. The Mississippi starts all the way at the northern parts of the state and basically cuts the country in half on its way down. But it was a very big hub historically speaking.
The Decision to Leave The United States and Move to New Zealand
Liz: So, why leave? I assume your family are all there and you had a good job. Why all of a sudden do you want to leave and move to the other side of the world?
Ben: We did, and that’s a very complex question. The really the deciding factor for us to want to leave was having a child. We did all of this for our daughter, to give her the best start and best chance she could have.
New Zealand has a wonderful reputation for the emphasis on children when they grow up. Everything is very kid-friendly and kid-centric here, which is not the same from where we’re from. It’s more the parent’s job to keep the child under control when you’re out at a restaurant growing up in the states, whereas here they have areas for kids to play at. The first time we encountered that we were like, ‘Really? This is so cool.’
So, our daughter, she’s at the forefront of all of the decision making. You’re right, all of our family is back in the Illinois, Missouri area and that was a really hard choice to make.
But ultimately we thought it would be the best decision for our family and that’s why we decided to do it.
Liz: So, you decide okay we want to give her the best start in life. And you know what, I’m so glad you said that because I’d forgotten about that shock when you go to a restaurant. It’s so stressful, isn’t it? So, back to you. Have you ever been to New Zealand or how did you even find out about New Zealand?
Ben: Yeah, so I’m a very analytical type person. Essentially what happened, and I think a lot of people in America will understand where Kira and I are coming from with this, our daughter was one and she was in a daycare. A wonderful daycare, like five minutes from our house in St. Louis.
And then we were told that they were going to start doing intruder drills at daycare. So at the age of one, they start preparing kids for what happens if somebody comes into your school with a gun.
We just, I was shocked and appalled, and we really did a lot of soul searching about, is this where we want our child to be? It is always a possibility that it could happen from anywhere in the world, all the shootings that happen in the United States.
Growing up in that environment, by the time Kira and I were out of high school it wasn’t impacting our life at that point. But then you have a child and then it’s now 10 times worse than it was.
We just decided that we couldn’t live with ourselves if anything had happened to our daughter, and really, the only way to make a change was to leave. There’s no end in sight for gun reform or changing the current trajectory of gun violence in the United States.
I’ve always been a big dreamer. When I presented New Zealand to [Kira], that was the first time she was like, ‘Let’s do some research. Let’s see what we can find out about it.’ So I did 500 hours of research, and I stumbled upon this podcast during that journey.
The Three-Year Pathway to a Visa
Ben: From the time we spoke about it to the time it happened, it was a little over three years from a concept to fruition. Nothing that has been rewarding has come easy, no, and this is just another example of that. We had to work really hard for this.
Kira had to go back to school to get her bachelor’s in nursing. Then I was the one who decided we should try to immigrate on my visa because my job qualifications are also on the green list tier one. I built an Excel tracker about how many jobs I applied to per month. I applied to 220 jobs over a 13-month period and I only had two interviews during that time. Both interviews went really well but ultimately I was passed on because I wasn’t in the country.
So after that 13-month journey, we decided to look into an option for Kira to be the primary visa holder. Our licensed immigration adviser actually found a job and was like, ‘Hey, I think you’d be a good fit for this.’ She had one interview, one job offer, and then we’re here. So it happened really quickly then, but I think it was meant to be.
Liz: Can I just ask, why when Kira was a registered nurse didn’t you just use Kira’s visa to come over?
Ben: There are many different visa types. I was just thinking if I’m the primary visa holder, Kira could potentially get a part-time job and spend more time with our daughter. Unfortunately it didn’t work out that way. But we did come over on a straight-to-residency visa, which means we’re not tied to an employer.
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Saying Goodbye in America and Landing in Auckland
Liz: How did your family react when you told them you were going to New Zealand?
Ben: We told our family pretty early on. They might have met that with skepticism, sure. But we emphasized spending quality time. We stayed at my parents’ house for a couple of weeks before we moved. We also had a going-away party. It’s certainly hard on my parents and Kira’s parents that we took their grandchild. A lot of tears were had when that moment finally came. But we try to do video calls as much as possible.
Liz: Whereabouts in New Zealand are you?
Ben: We are in the North Shore of Auckland. Honestly, Auckland was very low on our places we wanted to move to. We actually had our set on Christchurch. But that being said, we had to go where the job offer was. We have just been so pleasantly surprised by how beautiful it is here. It’s absolutely astounding. There are beaches within walks or short drives all over the place. The people have been very friendly and kind.
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The Financial Recalibration
Liz: You’ve gone from what sounds like the cheapest area in America to the most expensive part of New Zealand. How’s that working?
Ben: I think we just had to recalibrate expectations about how much money goes to what. In the states the rule of thumb is to keep your housing expenses at or under 30% of your take-home pay. The figure here is 50%. So that’s a pretty drastic increase for cost of living.
We were fortunate enough to save for this. We aggressively saved as much money as we could and then we sold our house. We have not touched that money yet, saving it for hopefully a down payment on a home. It has been a bit shocking how much more expensive things are, but again we make a good amount of money at our jobs.
Liz: Does your job pay you enough to afford to live there?
Ben: What my qualifications earn me here in Auckland would probably be 20, 30, $40,000 less if I was in Christchurch because the cost of living is so drastically different. But yeah, we do all right. I built a very extensive tracker on our expenses. The short answer is yes, we were spending way more money on food and eating out and cafes than we thought we were, so we’re reigning that in a bit.
Settling in New Zealand, and What They Miss from The United States
Liz: How’s your daughter enjoying it? How is she settled?
Ben: She is absolutely thriving here. I won’t lie, the first couple months were really difficult. But now that we’re settled into our routine, I think the answer is a resounding yes. This is certainly the best thing we could have done for her. It’s really great to watch her have fun on the beachside playgrounds here and be a kid.
Liz: Is there anything you would have done differently?
Ben: It would have been nice to bring over maybe a couple more suitcases of our daughter’s toys and clothes. We sold everything. We had seven suitcases and then my parents shipped us five pretty large cardboard boxes. We didn’t ship any furniture.
Liz: What have been the pleasant surprises?
Ben: The crosswalks here are actually speed bumps, which make cars have to slow down. Pedestrians always have the right of way. We see so many people biking and exercising. Every mall has a child play place. There’s no trash on the sides of the highways. Public restrooms are available all over. The number of cafes is quite astounding. The coffee is much better in the best possible way.
Liz: What do you miss?
Ben: We miss authentic Tex-Mex. Queso dip! So if you’re in America and you want to take the plunge over here, eat as much Mexican and Tex-Mex as you can before you come. You can’t get it over here. And then my favorite food type is American barbecue. It’s so good and it’s regional specific. You can’t get it here. If and when we go back to the States, I’m going to binge on barbecue.
Liz: Ben, thank you so much for chatting with me today. Please give my love to Kira and your daughter. Good luck in your new job.
Ben: Thank you so much. Thanks, we’ll talk soon.
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